By helping others I help myself

I have just spent the last 4 days helping to deliver a Share Fair in Essex and I actually learned a lot about myself. The Share Fair went great, the weather was good although a little windy; it was October and storms were due the following day but people came out and shared tea. Cakes were baked and devoured just as quick.  Children played and ran around in great abundance. Simply put, the Share Fair that we helped out with was a wonderful simple day.

My learning and new discovery about myself came from all the other stuff that went on around the event. We drove up on the Thursday as we had a meeting with the council beforehand. We stayed in a caravan that was actually quite alright and really well equipped and we talked and talked and talked some more; that's where the learning came, when we talked and I had a realisation that I actually knew more than I thought about life, the universe and everything.

The person who I was helping with the Share Fair I have known for only a couple of years at most. We don't see each other enough in my opinion as I really like their company and I love the talks we hold. We often do not agree on subjects and I am often way out of my depth but it’s those deep discussions, those subjects that often get missed out in weekly adventures or daily lives and those talks about the elephants in the room that never come to light. It’s those discussions that I love and I managed to find for 4 solid days.

Because we have an open mind approach, unspoken but naturally developed, I feel that I can pose those questions that I am afraid to ask others for fear of judgement. I am frightened that others might see the real me - the scared little boy who tried to please everyone - but with this person, I can ask and I can be myself without looking silly or getting lip service as a reply.

I think what I learned most about myself over the weekend was that I am actually quite talented and I can do much more that I think I can. That, years of little appraisal had left huge doubts in my mind. I also had chance to voice my thoughts to others and I then realised that I was not only frustrated in life but I also felt very let down by others who I had invested so much time and effort in.

Just talking can help. It does help if you have someone with an active ear, someone who genuinely cares or someone who can help find solutions but even then, even if it’s just someone on the other end of the phone who you don’t know, it’s still good to talk.

I came back from the event, not feeling like a new man, not wanting to change the world but more like someone who is more at ease, has a better understanding of where they are in life and with a little more direction.

So this week, by helping others I unexpectedly massively helped myself and I learned to like myself a little bit more and that’s ok with me… It’s good to talk.